Elanor did not find it easy to be quiet and sedate, even though she’d resolved to be.

“Jinx, this is driving me crazy!”

“But, Elanor, you have to take care of yourself. You know that.”

“I know, but it’s driving me crazy! Talk to me some more. Do you think his fur will be stripey like yours, or black like mine?”

“I don’t know, Elanor! Wait and see.”

Such conversations disturbed Jinx. Elanor was always trying to talk about their soon-to-arrive kitten, which they’d agreed would have to be called Mick, but Jinx found it troubling when she speculated on things like what his first word would be. Elanor didn’t really understand that her own ability to talk, think and fret was gained through Rainmoor magic, and Jinx really didn’t want to tell her how afraid he was that their child would be a dumb animal.

“Do you think he’ll have hands like you?” she asked.

“I don’t know! I hope so, they’re useful things to have.”

“I suppose they are. Claws are useful too. Maybe he’ll have both!”

“Remind me never to shake hands with him.”

Fortunately, Elanor didn’t just lie around talking about the new kitten. Jinx couldn’t help but think of it that way: humans got to have babies, but he wasn’t human and Elanor certainly wasn’t, so ‘kitten’ seemed the most appropriate word, even if it turned out to be intelligent. When Elanor wasn’t talking about her kitten, she was roaming the Astral Plane in further search for her friends. She did this especially when she was frustrated and edgy, putting tremendous energy into her search, energy that she could no longer burn off by going out and hunting. She stayed out longer and longer, combing the Empty Place, as she took to calling it. She still found nothing, to her way of thinking, although the little she could explain of it sounded anything but empty.

It had been three days, and Mick still hadn’t shown up. Jinx was beginning to think the man had changed his mind about exploring Jinx’s past. Frustrated, Jinx tried to remember it himself, but it was no good. The memories he had were the same meaningless pictures as before, the same vivid glimpses of awful moments, seemingly snipped neatly out of the fabric of time and existing only as isolated instants, illuminated with fear or pain. It was odd which things remained vivid for him. The wizard had broken his leg with a kick once, but Jinx could not remember it happening, only the way the man silently watched him limp on three legs out of the room. There were memories of running on all fours while hindered by sprained fingers, which he’d sprained himself by using his hands for front paws. Those memories were mostly feelings of astonishment and betrayal, for his body would not work the way his instincts told it to. And there was one memory where he, for the first time, used his hands as hands. He had opened a door. He remembered the feeling of triumph as the door swung open, and there the memory stopped, leaving only the certain knowledge that something really horrible had been on the other side. What it was, Jinx could not recall, no matter how hard he tried. He wondered whether he really wanted to know…

There was a faint sound of whistling coming from outside, getting closer and closer. Jinx looked out the window, and it was Mick.

“Are you stupid enough yet?” asked Jinx as Mick strode jauntily in.

“Sure am! Sure am! Why, I’m so stupid I don’t know the meaning of the word… the word… Heck, I’m even stupider that that, I don’t even know the word I don’t know the meaning of. If there’s anybody stupider than me within a hundred miles, why, it serves them right, that’s all I can say.”

“What?”

“No, actually, Jinx, stupidness wouldn’t help me none anyhow. I’ve been meditating the last few days, to get ready for this regress. It’s got me feeling so centered and comfortable I’m giddy. Basically, I needed to get into the frame of mind where I can look at anything with a clear eye and an open heart. If I got upset at something in your past, I wouldn’t be seeing it clearly and I might misintepret it. Most of all, I have to be able to stay separate from your feelings. It’s easy to get swept up in the experiences to the point where I don’t know who’s feeling what, and that’s when it gets nasty. When I did Alan I had to meditate for a week before I knew who I was again. This time, I figured I’d start off right and avoid all that.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Mick looked at him appraisingly. “Are you sure, Jinx, that you want me to do it? I’m ready for it, but you sound like you’ve been brooding over what you might find. Am I right?”

“The parts that I don’t remember frighten me. It could be anything! Maybe I don’t want to know.”

“You know. You know. Get that into your head, Jinx. Just because you ain’t willing to look at it don’t mean there’s nothing to see. You have nightmares? Panics? Do you get struck with rememberings?”

“Some of those things. I thought that everybody did.”

“Well, a lot of us do. However, such things can mean your past is tapping you on the shoulder and saying, look at me. Hiding from it gives it a power over you, and I truly do hate to see somebody afraid of their own mind. It’s a shame. It’s a terrible shame.”

“But do I have to remember everything all at once like that? It sounds …awful.”

“Didn’t I explain that yet? You won’t remember a thing. I’ll be telling you all about it. There have been people who I wouldn’t tell everything to, but my guess is that you can handle the truth.”

“Oh. Do I have to go lie down, or burn candles and chant or something?”

“Nope, done all that.” replied Mick. “All’s you got to do is say the key words three times.”

“Why three times? And what key words?”

“‘Remember Me’, and it’s three times so you can back out if you want to.”

“Oh. Jinx appreciates your thoughtfulness.” said Jinx formally. “Remember me. Remember me…”

“Uh, there ain’t no hurry, you know…”

“Remember me.”

(Damn!) thought Mick as the world faded around him, to be replaced by a kaleidoscopic blur of Jinx memories racing by in reverse. (The damned cat didn’t even give me time to get ready! Oh, well…)

(Well, this is right nice.) thought Mick, as Jinx contentedly suckled at his mother’s nipples, only a few weeks old. (Lord knows I’ve had this experience before, but never so furry. Oop! What’s this?)

His mother stiffened, and he looked up, startled and scared by her sudden unresponsiveness, to see another creature looking down at him. It dropped to its knees and began speaking words he could not understand, and stroking his body. (Ha! This has got to be that wizard Jinx mentioned. Funny thing is, he ain’t hostile. Let’s see what he’s got to say…)

“Don’t be afraid, my little treasure, I won’t hurt you. You’re my greatest triumph, darling, and we are going to know each other very well. What lovely little hands!”

(He sure ain’t hostile.) thought Mick. (What on earth… Oh, lord, I figured it out. Look at his robe there, the man’s blind with rut. What, what have I got myself into?)

“You’re beautiful, perfect.” said the man, running his hands lavasciously over Jinx’s kittenish body.

(Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.) thought Mick, aghast, as Jinx purred, comforted but dreadfully puzzled.

The man lifted Jinx’s tail, and Mick cringed. “Would you mind greatly, dear one, if I peeked? You’re still too young,” (Damn right, you pervert!) “but a man can dream, can’t he?”

Suddenly the man dropped Jinx’s tail and clouted him savagely on the head, shaking with fury.

(OW! You bastard! Now I get it!) thought Mick. (He ain’t as perfect as you thunk he was, huh? You sure are good at telling the sex of kittens, one glance and you know. Well, there’s nothing like having a personal interest. That sure explains a lot. You weren’t trying to create Jinx, you were trying to create Jinxette!)

Jinx cowered, terrified, as the man glared at him. Finally the balked wizard spun on his heel and stomped off, slamming the door behind him. Jinx tried to get his mother’s attention, but she remained unaware of his presence, so he pushed himself under her limp front leg and lay there, shivering.

(Wonderful. I’m stuck in the skin of a tiger kitten living in the house of an angry pervert wizard. Let’s skip ahead a bit.)

Jinx wandered the halls of the huge, cold, stone building, looking for his mother. Usually she was around, but then the scary human would appear and wave his hands at her, and she would forget Jinx and follow him into a big room cluttered with baffling things and pungent, acrid smells. If Jinx tried to follow, the man would kick at him. The door would close, and Jinx would be shut out, listening to her terrible cries.

(Just as well he don’t know what’s going on in there. On second thoughts, I’m not sure what’s going on in there either. Most times I’m pretty sure, but we already know this guy is conducting weird experiments on his tigress, otherwise she couldn’t have gotten pregnant by him. I’m sure I just heard some lines of hex, and it sounded like a dark hex to me. Maybe I can find some memory where Jinx was watching the guy work. Onward!)

The man had left the door open, and Jinx snuck in, nervous but drawn by the fascinating assortment of objects strewn everywhere. He glanced fearfully at the wizard, but the man was deeply engrossed in study and didn’t notice. That suited Jinx, because the man never did anything nice to him anyway.

(It seems Jinx never did figure out that this fellow’s taken to feeding him. Or does he think his mother kills those animals for him? I’m getting to understand this pervert wizard fellow pretty well. He don’t like Jinx, but he’ll feed and shelter him as long as Jinx don’t get in his way… Oh, lord! Jinx! Don’t!)

Jinx found a mysterious thing, that glowed and spun and sparkled with pretty colors. It was up on a table, but Jinx had grown big enough to rear up onto the table and gaze at it. He reached out one hand to bat at it playfully…

(Jinx! Unbalanced hexes don’t take well to being pawed at! Lord, lord, that one must have taken days to work up! We’re doomed, even if dumb Jinx is too busy playing with breakable magic to notice!)

As Jinx touched the spinning, sparkling thing, it burst with a loud pop and a flash of light. It sent a painful jolt down his arm, and he drew back, hissing. Then he looked up to see the wizard glowering down at him, and the man drew back his leg and delivered a vicious, savage kick with all his strength. It sent Jinx flying, with the bones in his leg broken.

(Aaah! Bad! This is a bad one! Steady, Mick, it ain’t really your leg… Aaah! Jinx, you damn fool, don’t try to walk on it! Aaaah! You damned idiot cat, this is your fault! Least the wizard ain’t doing anything now, just staring. Drag yourself, Jinx, that’s it, don’t put any weight on it. You may not know why that man’s staring at you, but I suspect he’s feeling a little upset right now. He has been feeding you, though you don’t realize it, and it looks like he didn’t mean to break your leg. That’s a strange expression, I never saw a man so torn between rage and guilt before. He looks like he’s about to cry. I surely am glad he’s got enough sense to not come after Jinx right now, I couldn’t stand it if Jinx panicked and tried to run on a broken leg…)

Jinx dragged himself down the hall, toward where his mother had been, and she, hearing his whimpers, rushed up to him.

(There now, Jinx, it’s your mom. What she’s gonna do about an injury like that is beyond me… No! Whatever you do, don’t lick it… Aaaah! Stop it! Aaaah! Wait, what’s this? She stopped, thank goodness, but he’s frozen stiff himself! I hear that wizard coming. Hard to keep from panicking, Jinx is so scared, but I think I know what’s about to happen…)

Jinx couldn’t move, and something was approaching, step by step. If it was the man, then he was doomed, and if it wasn’t the man, he was doomed. Rigid, he waited for his death. Hands closed around his hurting leg, sending shards of pain up his spine, and then, astonishingly, the hurt began to go away. Soon, there was no pain left, though he still couldn’t move. The hands withdrew, with a last gentle pat that was almost a caress, and the footsteps withdrew down the hall. A door closed, and suddenly Jinx could move again, and so could his mother, who promptly held him down with firm paws and started licking him.

(I knew it! Look here, Jinx, even though you can’t hear me. You don’t know what to make of this last part, and you’re liable to forget it since you can’t understand it. I, on the other hand, recognize that cantrip, and I know that it was your wizard father healed you. Not only that, I know that he used a very powerful hex that must have drained him pretty good. I’m a mite surprised that he didn’t let you see him doing it, but my guess is that he wants you to be afraid of him so you don’t bother him. I imagine he got his wish, considering your attitude towards him in later years. He’s a strange fellow with stranger tastes, but apparently he’s not quite the monster you thought he was. Let’s look for your next encounter with him.)

Jinx was fleeing in terror, running on all fours and stumbling, nearly falling over as his front paws buckled and hurt from the strain.

(Ow! Dammit, boy! Those are hands, not paws! Will you quit that? Ow! You can stop running now, he ain’t chasing you! I get the idea. Okay, let’s look for the next big trauma in the Jinx as a Kitten saga…)

Jinx had been waiting outside the door for hours, tormented by the wails of his mother.

(I hear spell-casting going on in there. What’s that crazy mage up to this time? Well, we’ll find out soon enough…)

When the door opened, Jinx cowered as usual out of sight, in case the man aappeared. His mother walked out, seeming dazed, and the door closed behind her. Jinx scampered up to her joyfully, but was stopped by a hiss. He stared into her eyes, finding no sign of recognition, and the longer he stared, the more fiercely she glared at him. Finally, she lashed out with bared claws and caught him on the side of the head, and he went down with a wail. She stood hostilely over him for a second, then turned and stalked off down the hall. Jinx lay where he’d fallen, his ear bleeding, and he began to cry. He lay there crying for a long time, wishing something would come and kill him. Nothing came.

(That’s terrible.) thought Mick. (I’m not sure I want to tell him about that one. I reckon the wizard somehow tampered with his mother’s memory, and she forgot who he was. It’s a pity he didn’t know not to stare into a wild beast’s eyes like that. It comes off like a threat. What happened next, I wonder? I’ll look ahead a bit. Okay, I’ll look ahead a bit more. Still nothing? How long did that boy lie there, anyway? Ah!)

Many hours later, Jinx saw his mother approaching. He didn’t move as she came up to him, and he shut his eyes, expecting to be killed. She licked him on the nose, and his eyes flew open, and he suddenly realized she knew him again. He was so relieved, and so exhausted from his ordeal, that he didn’t even get up until she grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and tried to drag him. He decided that his experience must not have been real, and tried to forget about it.

(Can’t say as I blame the poor little fellow. I wish I could leave off there, but I’m going to have to look at his last days in this wizard’s castle. I find it hard to believe that his father, perverted though he was, would have killed his mother. Maybe it was in one of those fits of rage? Hell, I’d better just look.)

Jinx sat staring at the doorknob. A strangled yowl came from behind the door, followed by a low muttering. The doorknob was a thing that the man used to open the door, but just touching it didn’t work, nor did pawing at it. Jinx reared up on his hind legs, which he’d gotten very good at doing, and clutched the doorknob with his hands, as another dreadful yowl came from the other room.

(That ain’t no love cry, and that muttering was very dark magic….)

Awkwardly, the doorknob turned. Jinx struggled with it, not knowing to use his wrists, dismayed at how far he had to turn it, as shrieks and incantations rang in his ears, and finally there was a faint click and the door began to swing open. Jinx exulted in his victory, and pushed the door farther open, looking in. He froze in horror.

(Lord! Jinx, don’t do anything! That man�’s in the middle of a very touchy…)

He saw his mother standing rigidly, moaning in pain. She seemed to have been flayed, but there was no blood. She was covered with the same sort of skin the man had, and her body was shifting and distorting, enveloped in a bright haze of magic. The man stared intensely at her, his hands forming patterns in the air, and as his hands moved, her body changed, forcing an agonized shriek out of her. Jinx, appalled, snarled savagely, readying himself to attack.

His snarl broke the wizard’s concentration. The man looked over his shoulder at Jinx, and as he did, the haze of magic flared and went out of control. The tigress screamed, her body writhing in the grip of the wild magic, and the man turned to her and struggled to control it, but too late: there was a bright flash and the haze was gone, and Jinx’s mother, in her original form, collapsed silently to the floor.

Jinx rushed up to her, but she didn’t move. Her eyes stared vacantly at him. He pushed at her, trying desperately to get a reaction, and she rolled limply onto her side. She was dead. For a moment, his mind went blank with shock, and then he slowly turned his head to stare at the man who had done this. He was staring at the floor, but at Jinx’s movement he raised his head. His eyes met Jinx’s, and widened in fear, and then Jinx was upon him, knocking him over, clawing at him with useless fingers, trying to bite him. As he tried to rip the man’s throat out, he heard strange words uttered, distorted by fear and strugglings but much like the chantings that he’d heard through the walls so many times…

Suddenly, Jinx was in a dark forest, at night. He didn’t know it was a forest, for he had never seen one. All he knew was that he was surrounded by huge, menacing shapes looming over him in the oppressive darkness. The man was gone. His mother was gone. The place he knew was gone. Even if he could find his way back, there was nothing left for him, because his mother was dead and she was the only good thing in the world. As the understanding of this sank in, all spirit fled and he no longer cared about the menacing trees around him. Maybe they would kill him. That would be kind of them.

(Whew… Mick, you’re not this boy, kitten, whatever he is. You want to live, and so does he, these days. But whatever you do, don’t tell him he caused his mother’s death by distracting that mage. Tell him it was an accident, which it was. I believe I’ve got what I came for, but so long as I’m here I’ll just scan through the rest of his life.)

Hunger finally forced him to get up and search for food, but he proved hopeless at hunting, for he had no claws, no fangs and no experience. He was nearly starved when he encountered the wolves, and the only reason he didn’t die immediately was that he figured out that he could throw rocks at them with his hands.

(That’s it, boy! Get ‘em! Hey, there’s a knight of some sort! With luck, he might help you chase away those… Hey, don’t look at him! There’s still wolves attacking! If you don’t throw another rock they’ll… Aaah!)

The wolf had snuck up behind him, and its jaws clamped onto his leg, dragging him to the ground. As he fell, the other wolves closed in, as did the even more frightening human. Jinx gave up and resigned himself to being torn apart and devoured by these creatures, but suddenly the air was split by startled yelps and the wolves were driven off, some on three legs or trying to drag themselves away with only two. The man leaned over him, his sword wet with wolf blood. Jinx tried to flee, but between starvation and his wounds he was unable to get up and could only wriggle helplessly. Dropping his sword, the man reached out and held Jinx down, preventing him from struggling further. Jinx tensed, his eyes locked on the man’s eyes, but the man did nothing but stare at him with a strange fascination, gazing with open wonder at his young tiger body and his furry but human hands, holding Jinx down with great gentleness. He petted Jinx carefully, speaking words Jinx could not understand in a soothing tone. He kept doing this, patiently and quietly, for a long time.

Jinx did not understand what was happening, but something in the man’s attitude reached the part of him that hurt worse than the wolf bites, the part of him that was crippled when his mother was killed. He finally stopped struggling, daring to believe that this man was not going to hurt him, and as the gentle voice and soothing touch continued, his longing surged and swept away the last traces of fear. He gazed into the man’s compassionate eyes in helpless, naked trustingness, and then he wriggled closer to rest his head in the man’s lap, and with that, he fell asleep.

When he woke up, his head was still cradled in the man’s lap.

(About time the poor little fellow had something nice happen to him. I’m not surprised, though. I saw the look in that man’s eyes. He’s a soft touch whoever he is, and that business of Jinx’s falling asleep in his lap was the final touch. Hell, I’d be a sucker for that myself. I imagine Jinx stayed with this fellow, but how did he learn to talk? Might as well look for that… Aha!)

“Jinx.” said the man, placing his hand on Jinx’s chest. “Say it. Jinx. I’ve heard you trying to talk.”

“Jigs.”

“Jinx. That’s your name. Maybe I can even get you to come when you’re called. Jinx.”

(I reckon he didn’t stop there! A little farther….)

“Okay, let’s try it again. Me Sir Irwin. You Jinx.” said the man, pointing alternately to himself and to Jinx. The young tiger did not respond for a moment, and then seized Sir Irwin’s pointing hand in a cautious grip. “Hand?” said Jinx.

“Well, I’ll be… Yes. Hand. How’d you pick that up, Jinx? I’m astonished.”

(I’m not,) thought Mick, (but then I already know Jinx is no ordinary beast. This fellow doesn’t seem to realize that he’s marvelled out loud over Jinx’s hands. After going ‘hands! real, working hands!’ like that, while holding them, it’s hardly surprising that Jinx made the connection. I think I’ll skip past the babytalk stage and find out if they talked about things later.)

“Okay, now say ‘Jinx belongs to Sir Irwin.’ Bad people scare you, you say that.”

“Jinx belongs to Sir-Irwin. What’s a belongs, Sir-Irwin? Jinx doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t matter. Jinx says that, then people won’t hurt him.”

“Oh. Jinx belongs to Sir-Irwin.”

“Jinx doesn’t bite.”

“Jinx doesn’t bite.” repeated the young tiger, solemnly.

(Can’t say as I’m surprised. I figured he got trained like a semi-smart pet at first, and I was right. Let’s see if the conversations got any better a few years down the line.)

“You shouldn’t have scratched him, Jinx. That was very bad behavior. You see what happened, we had to leave, and now we’ve got to look for another place to stay.”

“Jinx is sorry!” said Jinx, miserably. “But he was staring at me!”

“That’s no excuse. Of course he’s going to stare at you. You have to act like a human even if people stare at you, or nobody will ever accept you.”

“You accept me.”

“I know. You don’t have to worry about me, you should worry about what other people think. If you had, we might not have been thrown out of that inn.”

“Jinx is sorry.” said Jinx miserably, and hung his head. They walked on in silence. Sir Irwin, noticing this, reached out and stroked his furry neck. “It’s okay, Jinx.”

(Why isn’t this fellow still with Jinx? He may be a natural born guilt expert, but he really cares about Jinx. Hmmm… What’s this?)

The battle was raging around Jinx, but he wasn’t going to budge: Sir-Irwin had tripped and fallen over, and Jinx refused to let anybody near. The young tiger hadn’t learned much about swordplay yet, but he was an image of savage fury, hissing and glaring at anyone approaching Sir-Irwin, who still hadn’t gotten up. The line of battle had receded, and while five minutes earlier Jinx had been hard-pressed to defend his spot, now the other battling knights were slowly moving off. Then, one of the knights Sir-Irwin’s friends were fighting glanced at Jinx and cried “Don’t bother, cat, nobody’s going to take your food!”

Jinx froze, then looked down for the first time, to see Sir-Irwin’s eyes staring emptily up at him, see the blood and terrible wounds, the rictus of death.

One of Sir-Irwin’s friends shouted, “Cat! Jinx! Whatever your name is! Come here and help! Avenge him with us! Our need is dire!”

Jinx could not stop looking into Sir-Irwin’s dead eyes. Slowly, his hand loosened, and the secondhand sword he’d been given dropped to the ground.

“Damn you! Coward! Coward!”

Jinx did not hear these cries. Blinded with tears, he wandered off, away from the fighting and blood and death, toward the inviting woods nearby. He did not stop until the sound of battle was lost in the distance, replaced by the senseless chirping of birds and the rustle of dry leaves. He sat down on a large rock and stared at the ground. His world, once more, was empty.

(Steady, Mick, this ain’t you. If only he’d made a few more friends! That’s twice now he lost the one person he had… What’s this? I’m losing the hex, something’s interfering…)

As Mick came back to the real world, he saw Elanor literally on top of Jinx, licking his face and desperately trying to rouse him. Jinx gradually woke, brushing ineffectually at her.

“What’s the matter, Elanor?” asked Mick. “Didn’t I tell you we were doing a regress?”

“Jinx, wake up! We have to go back!”

“What? Go back where?” replied Jinx.

“I found the lonely place!”

“Oh, good…” said Jinx vaguely.

“No, it’s not! It’s all wrong and scary, worse than ever! It’s mixed up and it keeps shifting and changing, and all the things are back! My friends are all scared, and everything keeps melting and falling apart…”

“What keeps melting and falling apart?”

“The lonely place! I told you!” snapped Elanor. She was trembling, on the verge of hysterics. “We have to go and help them!”

“You’re not going anywhere, pussycat!” stated Mick firmly. “Not until you’ve had that baby!”

“I can’t just stay here, Mick! Not when my friends are being hunted by things!”

“But, Elanor,” said Jinx, “you’re really pregnant! And what are we supposed to do when we get there, anyway?”

She fixed him with a gaze both pleading and unyielding. “We have to go help them!”

Jinx got ready to argue more, but he could see in her eyes that nothing he could say would change her. There was no point in arguing further. It would only upset her, and Jinx couldn’t bring himself to refuse her. “Okay.” he said. “We’ll go.”