Unexpectedly, King-Thomas turned up after dinner with a tall blond human: a cheerful-looking man, finely dressed, who gazed at Jinx with great interest.
“Sir Jinx, it gives me great pleasure to introduce Lord Peter, who has expressed his eagerness to show you around Rainmoor.”
“I’m happy to meet you,” said Jinx. “What are you doing here?”
“Please, Sir Jinx!” exclaimed King-Thomas. “Peter is of the First Rank! Didn’t you know?”
“I’d heard. Why, am I supposed to bow or something?”
The King whispered urgently, “Use his title!”
“Oh.” said Jinx and started over. “I’m happy to meet you, Lord-Peter. What are you doing here?”
King-Thomas seemed horribly embarrassed, but Lord-Peter appeared amused.
“I would venture to suggest, my liege, that the usual formalities may be dispensed with in this situation.” said he. “Why don’t we talk like normal people for a change?”
“Sir, you fail to understand the importance of the matter!” said King-Thomas. “Sir Jinx must learn the customs of Rainmoor, which certainly includes proper deportment! I may add that you would not be my first choice for teaching him. Promise me, Sir, that you will not instill in Sir Jinx any of your own frivolousness over such matters! If you cannot or will not promise me this, I will forbid you to consort with him, and I will find a better teacher!”
The tall man bowed deeply and began to speak in an earnest voice.
“My liege, I regret deeply any misapprehension I had caused Your Highness while speaking. I assure you that seeking to corrupt Sir Jinx’s perhaps fledgling idea of court etiquette was not, and is not, my intention. I humbly beg Your Highness to forgive my thoughtlessness, to accept my apology, and to trust me with the task of giving Sir Jinx the grand tour of Rainmoor, since you have truly important things to do and must needs delegate this…”
King-Thomas frowned, stroking his chin in thought. “Granted. Very well, Peter, you may give Sir Jinx his tour. I do hope you can teach him something about deportment, as well.”
“My liege, who else among the First Rank has had to learn court etiquette the way Sir Jinx shall learn it, but I? There isn’t another ranking Lord who hasn’t soaked it up with their mother’s milk. I alone have learned deportment as an adult, as Sir Jinx shall.”
“Which is possibly why you alone seem to enjoy ignoring it whenever it pleases you, Lord Peter.”
“My liege?” said Lord-Peter, drawing himself up stuffily.
“You’ll do. Are you pleased with this arrangement, Sir Jinx?”
“Yes, King-Thomas.” replied Jinx.
“My liege!” whispered Lord-Peter urgently.
“What?” said Jinx, startled.
“When one speaks to the King, one says ‘My liege’! I’ll explain later.”
“Oh.” said Jinx, confused. “Yes, My-liege.”
“Very good.” said King-Thomas, pleased. “I hope you enjoy your tour.”
King-Thomas strode out, regally, leaving Jinx alone with Lord-Peter. Jinx was baffled at the change in King-Thomas: the sudden formality had left him unsure and disoriented.
“Is Sir-Jinx supposed to call you My-liege, too?”
Lord-Peter paused, listening: when he was quite sure the King was out of earshot, he replied.
“I should think not! You’ll call me Peter, just as everyone else does. And I’ll call you Jinx. If you’d prefer to be called Sir Jinx at all times, I may as well show you to Gerald’s Court and go straight home.”
“Show me to where? Jinx is confused.”
“I dare say you you’ve only met with King Thomas privately, eh?”
“Yes, and he talked much less gibberish. Well, less gibberish, anyway.”
“It’s quite simple, Jinx: if you’re meeting the King privately he’s quite capable of being friendly and informal. As soon as another noble is present, or if somebody like Gerald is present, you’d better fill your phrases with Sirs and My Lieges. It’s court etiquette, exactly what he wants me to teach you.”
“I’m still confused.”
“I’ll bet you are. Look, it’s quite simple, don’t you know: if the King is listening, talk quite formally and properly. Call the King ‘my liege’, call Gerald ‘Lord Gerald’, and so on. As a last resort, or if you’re not sure whether someone you don’t know is a Lord or a Knight, you may call them ‘Sir’, and your oversight will be ignored politely.”
That last part sounded manageable. “And if King-Thomas isn’t listening?”
“Then do what you please. I think you’d be better off not following my lead, because I can get away with a lot more than you could, but if they know I’m on your side you don’t have much to worry about. Only Robert outranks me, and he’s quite harmless. I should love to see Gerald’s face if you sassed him, but it would be too risky: I outrank him, but you most certainly don’t… Oh! Does it bite?”
Elanor had come over and was inspecting Lord-Peter closely.
“Elanor is not an ‘it’. Elanor is people.” said Jinx, hoping she wouldn’t embarrass him in front of this new human. “She won’t bite you. She can even talk.”
“You don’t say! May I pet her?”
“I don’t see why not. Let me tell her who you are.” Jinx touched her head.
(This is a friend, Elanor.)
(Oh? How do you know? Does he have a name?)
(Well, I don’t really know, but he doesn’t talk gibberish except to King-Thomas. His name’s ‘Peter’, but his name’s also ‘Lord-Peter’ sometimes, depending on who’s listening.)
Elanor allowed Lord Peter to scratch her head.
(I think he is a friend, Jinx. He’s nice. Tell him to scratch behind my left ear.)
(Okay, but don’t get used to it. People don’t go around scratching each other.)
“Elanor would like it if you scratched behind her left ear, Peter.”
“No, honestly? The King told me you could speak with the animals, but I thought he was having me on. She told you this?”
“If you don’t believe me, then ask the dragon in the other room. He can speak to Elanor too.”
“Gold dragon? Odd sort of dragon, always going on about cabbages and Kings?”
“I never heard him mention cabbages, but he certainly told me all about Kings.”
“Vernon!” cried Lord Peter. “So this is where he’s been hiding you!”
The door to the dragon’s lair opened a crack, and Vernon’s rumbling voice said, “Is it the voice of the Lobster? Or are my ears deceiving me?”
Lord Peter strode over and flung the door wide. “My dear Monster! What a pleasant surprise!”
“I thought I heard you, Peter. Isn’t it your turn to be ‘Monster’?”
“No, it’s an odd-numbered day.”
“Ah, but I spoke first!”
“Nonsense, Monster. I don’t remember hearing anything before I cried ‘Vernon’.”
“Of course I spoke first. I’m ten thousand years older than you.”
“Ah!” said Lord Peter. “I hadn’t thought of that! Quite so.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Jinx.
“Don’t explain.” said the dragon. “Don’t even try.”
“So you know Vernon!” remarked Lord Peter to Jinx. “How splendid!”
“Jinx can’t complain. Now ask him about Elanor.”
“Oh! Vernon, Jinx here says this jungle cat is a person and talks. Is that true?”
“Quite true. Mind you, she’s no intellectual genius. She’s about as clever as Robert, four sheets to the wind. But she’s exceedingly brave, and utterly devoted to our tigerish friend.”
“You don’t say! The King left me with the impression that she was sort of his pet. He also hinted that they were locked in a lewd embrace most of the time, don’t you know.”
Jinx was still trying to figure out if Vernon had insulted Elanor’s cleverness. “What does four sheets to the wind mean?”
“Not much,” replied Peter, “considering that Robert’s usually about two or three entire laundries to the wind. Are they, Vernon? Amorously entwined to the point of being composed entirely of knots, I mean.”
“Monster, you’re being rude, and not entirely. If it’s any consolation, Jinx, Monster’s always interested in that sort of gossip. Unlike old Tom, Monster is quite honest and open about his desire to learn all the naughtiest secrets of Rainmoor.”
“Why are you calling him ‘Monster’? Jinx thinks being called ‘Peter’ and ‘Lord-Peter’ and ‘Sir’ is too many names already.”
“Why, it’s a little game we have!” said Peter. “You may certainly join in. It’s quite simple: on odd numbered days I call you ‘Monster’, and on even numbered days that’s what you call me. This alternates every week, month and year. On the third Monday of every other month, we both call each other ‘Monster’, and on the sixth Tuesday of every month neither of us are allowed to speak at all. Also, when we meet, the one who speaks last is ‘Monster’, if, and only if, he isn’t. Do say you’ll play, it’s such fun!”
“…Okay,” said Jinx, “as long as you don’t call me ‘Monster’.”
“Fair enough.” said the dragon, amused. “Monster, make note of that: all of the aforesaid rules are to apply to Jinx as well, except for being called ‘Monster’.”
“Did you say she could talk, Jinx? Do you think I could talk to her? And do please call me ‘Peter’, we needn’t be formal here.”
“I’m not sure, Peter. She can only talk when…”
“Aha! You didn’t call me ‘Monster’! Now you have to pay me two buttered rolls, three limed twigs, and half a Boojum!”
Jinx looked helplessly at the dragon, since Vernon seemed to understand what all of this was about.
“Er, Monster… Let’s make a new rule. In addition to not being called ‘Monster’, Jinx is also not required to call anybody else ‘Monster’.”
“Except,” said Lord Peter, “on the sixth Tuesday of every month, when he’s required to call everybody he meets ‘Monster’, but…”
“Is not allowed to speak while doing so.” finished the dragon, while Jinx looked back and forth between them in bafflement.
“Do I really have to keep track of all that?”
“No, of course not.” replied the dragon, which seemed to settle that.
“I really would like to speak with your consort, Jinx.” said Peter. “I’ve never conversed with a jungle beast before, and I’m ever so curious, don’t you know.”
Jinx considered. “King-Thomas never could talk with Elanor. I could ask him to put the same spell he put on me, on you, but it probably still wouldn’t work.”
“Hmmm…” said the dragon. “Jinx, may I have a look at the spell?”
“What?”
“Never mind.” said the dragon, and Jinx felt Vernon’s mind looking through his thoughts. The sensation horrified him. (STOP IT!)
“Good lord!” exclaimed the dragon. “You nearly took my head off! Jinx, calm down, and don’t lash out at me like that!”
“Don’t do that, then!” said Jinx, trembling.
“Of course I won’t, if you don’t want me to,” said the dragon, “but I think I could improve the spell. Tom’s good, but creating mind-links between different types of intelligence really isn’t his forte. Jinx, I think I could… I’m sure I can make it so you can talk with Elanor at a distance, and so that Peter can talk with her as well. I’ll simply put all of you on the same mental wavelength, so to speak. With that in mind…”
“Are you punning on purpose,” said Peter, “or by accident?”
“Quiet, Monster! Jinx, with that in mind, do you think you could avoid ripping my mind’s guts out for the time it would take to do it? Here, I’ll do Monster to show you. Ready, Monster?”
“Certainly.”
(What’s happening?) asked Elanor, rubbing against his leg.
(Vernon wants to make it so you can talk to me without touching me, and talk to Peter, too.)
(Oooh! Can he do that?)
(Maybe. He’s pretty sure he can. I don’t want him to. I hate feeling him touch my mind.)
(Please, could you ask him to do it? Please?)
Jinx gave in: he couldn’t resist her innocent pleading. “Okay, do it.” he said, and braced himself, bristling dreadfully as the dragon gently turned the pages of his mind. Quite soon, he felt a strange lump of indecipherable thoughts settle into his mind, and he shuddered with the effort of trying not to lash out savagely at the patiently working dragon-mind. The lump of thoughts settled in, and faded from his awareness, and the intruding dragon-mind withdrew.
“Is it over?” asked Jinx.
“Quite.” said Vernon. “Thank you for restraining yourself, Jinx, I thought you were going to attack again for a moment there. Not a comfortable thought. Monster, Jinx here has the fiercest mind I’ve ever encountered. Don’t ever try and compel him.”
“I wasn’t planning to, Vernon.” said Lord Peter.
“No, I mean it! Good lord, Monster, he’s nearly a match for me, and I’m a dragon! Don’t go mind-wrestling with this one, even in jest! He’d break you!”
“Oh, surely not! Jinx and I are going to be friends, aren’t we, Jinx?”
“You mark my words, Monster. Be careful. Jinx has the capacity of a formidable human mage, though it’s latent, but he also has a lot of tiger in his mind. He didn’t react rationally when he felt my mind beginning to search his: he lashed out. Had I been a touch slower, he’d have done me serious damage.”
Jinx felt terrible. “I’m sorry, Vernon.” he said. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, Jinx, don’t be hurt.” said the dragon, gently. “I’m quite sure you didn’t mean it: you seem to have a tremendous aversion to magic, at least magic that affects you. Look on the bright side. I can state with assurance that there are few if any mages that could compel you against your will, because of the hybrid strength of your unique mind. Does that cheer you up?”
“What does ‘compel’ mean?”
“Jinx, ‘compel’ when used by a mage means to take over your mind and force you to do something. If somebody was to ‘compel’ you in this sense, they’d be taking hold of your mind and creating an overwhelming desire to do something, a desire not your own.”
Jinx shuddered, resolving to never, ever, allow this to happen.
“Now, why don’t you talk with Elanor for a while, Monster? She hasn’t been following much of our discussion, although she’s been getting echoes of our words mentally: I suggest talking in honest, simple language. Don’t think, however, that because she can’t follow eloquent verbiage, she’s a lesser sort of intelligence. She may not be brilliant compared to you and I, but she’s courageous, observant, and quite definitely a being I’m pleased to know. I’m beating that into your head, Monster, because I find you human mages all have a decided tendency to consider only sheer intellect and ignore everything else…”
(What are you talking about?) thought Elanor.
“Oh!” said Lord Peter. “We’re talking about you. Is that all right?”
“You needn’t speak out loud, Monster.” said the dragon.
“Well, really, I’d rather, don’t you know. Elanor, what’s it like being a jungle beast?”
(What’s what like?)
“It! You know, life’s rich tapestry, all that sort of thing.”
(Jinx, what is he asking?)
“He wants to know what it feels like to be a cat.” answered Jinx.
(Well, you tell him, then!)
“No!” objected Jinx. “I am not either a cat!”
“Oh, now, Jinx,” said Lord Peter, “she has a point.”
“Monster, behave!” snapped Vernon. “It was a stupid question in the first place.”
“You’re not offended, Jinx?”
“Peter,” said the dragon, “will you listen? Of course he’s offended! Didn’t you notice his reaction to Elanor’s thought?”
“But why would he be offended? Is he ashamed of what he is?”
“Watch it, Monster. How many tigers do you typically see with hands, walking on their hind legs? Isn’t it obvious that Jinx makes a particular effort to seem human?”
“So? What’s wrong with being a tiger, anyway?”
“I’m not sure, but obviously something is. Jinx, why don’t you tell him?”
“Do I have to?”
“Of course not,” said the dragon, “but I’d be interested in your answer myself.”
Jinx sighed. “Some of it is little things. Turning around and knocking things over with my tail. Not being able to wear clothes like people because they’re too hot and rub my fur the wrong way, and never fit. Coming in out of the rain and forgetting not to shake the water off.”
“Fair enough.” said Peter, but Jinx wasn’t finished.
“People stare all the time.They act like I’m some sort of stupid, vicious beast. Sometimes they run away just seeing me, because they’re afraid I’m going to attack them for no reason…”
Lord Peter winced. “I apologize, Jinx. I hadn’t considered the implications of my remark.”
“But the really bad part is that they’re sort of right. If I get really angry, I forget everything and attack what made me angry. Sometimes I forget I don’t have claws and go after people with my fingers, which is really embarrassing…”
“It must be. I do apologize, Jinx, I had no idea.” said Peter, but Jinx still continued, sounding more and more unhappy as he went on.
“But even though it’s embarrassing, I’m glad I don’t always remember to use my sword, because sometimes I come to and realize I’m chasing some human who’s trying to run away…”
“Jinx…” said Vernon.
“Or a small child.” Jinx finished, and looked from Peter to Vernon miserably. “Is that what you wanted to know?”
“I’m terribly sorry for bringing that up.” said Peter. “Er, does this happen often?”
“It shouldn’t ever happen.”
“I suppose that means ‘no’.” said Vernon. “Jinx, do try not to be so hard on yourself about it. There’s no need to be concerned about frightening a few humans. I’ve done it myself on occasion.”
“It’s not the same thing.” said Jinx, unconsoled.
“Look, do cheer up, Jinx.” said Peter. “I’ll tell you what, let’s go on the tour of Rainmoor now. That should take your mind off it. How’s that?”
(Are we going somewhere?) thought Elanor, with eager overtones.
“Er…” replied Lord Peter.
“Elanor,” said the dragon, “it would be best if you stayed here.”
(Why?)
“You could get lost, but that’s not the only reason. Jinx can wander Rainmoor safely, because he walks on two legs and can speak. You, on the other hand, can only speak using a special mind-link, and you can’t walk as he does…”
(I’d have to walk on my hind legs?!? Never mind, I don’t want to go!)
“What’s wrong?” asked Jinx, feeling strangely disappointed. “Why can’t Elanor come?”
The dragon chose his words carefully. “Jinx, many people in Rainmoor will be disconcerted at your appearance, even though you can walk and speak. They may suspect you of being a tigerwere, or a normal tiger operated like a puppet by Peter here. They will be trying very hard to learn your true nature. Should Elanor accompany you, people will quickly realize that she is, ah… how shall I put it?”
Lord Peter took over. “Do pardon my bluntness, but what Vernon is trying to say is that Elanor’s both a person, in the sense of a self-aware entity that can think and communicate, and an animal, in the sense of a big furry thing with teeth and claws. People are only going to notice the animal. You’re all right, because you can tell them off or kick them in the shins. Anyhow, all anyone has to do is watch you walk and they’d know you’re not a trained beast. You’ve obviously walked on two legs all your life, and though it still looks oddish it’s certainly not a trick.”
(Well, I think it’s a silly thing to do, and I can’t see why he bothers.)
“It may,” said Vernon, “have something to do with his having furry but definitely human hands, Elanor. Don’t make things more difficult for him: he’s got troubles enough.”
(But that’s just it! Walking on two legs is terribly difficult and silly. I bet I can run twice as fast as Jinx can, and I never ever fall down…)
(Oh, really?) thought Jinx smugly.
(…unless Jinx gets me to try and walk on two legs, or makes love to me until I can’t stand up.) finished Elanor, dreadfully embarrassing Jinx and amusing Lord Peter and Vernon. She looked back and forth among them, puzzled at their reactions.
“You’d better get used to it…” began Vernon.
(I hope not!) thought Elanor, happily.
“…used to it, Jinx. I can see you’re embarrassed, but try and get over that. It’s a foolish and quite human reaction, and I must say I prefer Elanor’s attitude of cheerful hedonism. I doubt you could teach her to be ashamed, so you’ll have to either get used to it or lock her up in a closet somewhere…”
“Ha!” said Lord Peter. “If you can find a closet that doesn’t already have about twelve ghastly perversions hidden in it! Jinx, you would not believe what some of the nobles are up to! Compared to that, you’re almost Gerald, only with a tail!”
(I will not be locked up in a closet! I’m going with Jinx!)
“Jinx?” asked Vernon, helplessly. “Can you persuade her to stay here? She’d be in terrible danger if she accompanied you. It’s not just that she’s a black panther. Old Tom is known to employ animals, and there are some people in Rainmoor who might try to capture her and strip her mind of all its knowledge. Even if nobody captures her, do you have any idea of how lost she could get? That is the most serious problem, frankly. If we could explain it to you, all this would be much simpler, but until you’ve seen Rainmoor for yourself…”
Jinx was shocked. “Why is it you and Lord-Peter can be so… silly, when there are dreadful things like that which could happen? You told me all sorts of things about Nameless-King, and you said he might be anybody, almost. Now you say there are people after Elanor, too! How can you be so silly, if all this is true?”
Lord Peter fixed him with sympathetic eyes. “Of course it’s true. That’s why we joke, Jinx. I’ve been dealing with these intrigues for years, you know: one gets used to it. And Vernon is over ten thousand years old, so he can’t take it too seriously. The only thing that would upset him is if one of his friends were threatened, like King Thomas or I. Maybe not even that would upset him. We are sort of like pet mice in comparison, you know, and I’ve had to learn that about Vernon. He’s taken to you exceedingly quick, but I trust his judgment, and when I learned that he liked you I knew we would be friends, you and I, and that pleases me very much.”
Jinx was touched. “Thank you. I will be your friend, Peter.”
“Now,” interrupted the dragon, “could you talk to Elanor and explain things? I’m not sure she won’t try and follow you, and I suspect she could figure out how to turn the door-knob and get out.”
(Elanor? You must stay here. I’ll be back before long.)
(Why are you frightened?)
(I am not either frightened! You’re the one who should be frightened. There are people who want to kill you out there. Stay here where it’s safe.)
(People can’t kill me! None of them have claws, and their teeth are too small!)
(Elanor, I mean it! They might kill you in magic ways. You don’t understand what I mean. Just do as I say, and stay here.)
(Oh? Okay, but you’re thinking in gibberish again. I’ll stay and talk to Vernon.)
“You do that.” said Jinx, relieved.
“A good plan.” said Vernon. “I have an idea. It’s nothing I’ve ever tried before, but I may have a surprise for you when you get back.”
“What?” asked Jinx.
“Now, Jinx! It may not work, after all. Anyhow, that would be telling! Enjoy your tour!”
