The passageways, if you could call them that, didn’t so much wind as bubble sinuously through the rock of Rainmoor, like a network of linked caves extending in every direction. Jinx almost felt comfortable with that: for some reason he’d been expecting long, perfectly straight corridors with thousands of doors along them. Compared to that, the winding strings of little caves were cozy and reassuring. However, as with anything else in Rainmoor, there were things about the caves Jinx found disconcerting, such as the perfectly spherical shape of each small cave, and the smooth path that went from cave to cave, winding back and forth and up and down but never becoming the slightest bit difficult to walk on. If that wasn’t enough to convince Jinx that these endless caves were all created by magic, there was the light. It was perfectly ordinary light, the sort of cheerful sunny light one would take pleasure in on a lovely Spring morning, and it came from nowhere at all. The walls did not glow, there were no lamps or magic torches, yet the light continued to shine anyway, giving no explanation for itself. Magic, obviously.
Jinx cringed slightly as he realized that his place had been lit exactly the same way, and he’d never noticed. He’d even gone to sleep with the light on, looking up into the fake starry sky, and still it hadn’t occurred to him to look about for lanterns. Perhaps it was because people usually didn’t stare at lamps.
“Why isn’t anything square? The big room with the fire was round like this, but the other rooms were square like ordinary rooms.”
“Actually, Jinx,” replied Lord Peter, “that’s unusual for Rainmoor. Most of Rainmoor is like this. Those who go to the trouble of putting corners in their rooms are either fabulously wealthy, like King Thomas, or dreadfully conservative, like Gerald. Come to think of it, I’ll show you Gerald’s Court, and then you’ll understand perfectly. This way!”
He stopped leading Jinx through a long, mostly straight series of caves, and began climbing some steps that emerged from the floor. Jinx was more comfortable in the string of caves, for this flight of stairs tunneled into solid rock and wound madly about, as if it was twisting around caves constantly. As Jinx continued to climb, he noted that there were portals cut into the walls of the tunnel, opening into empty caves still illuminated with the mysterious light. The disconcerting thing about that was, there was no telling where in the cave the portal would enter: sometimes it was like a door and you could walk into the cave easily, sometimes you were looking down tens or hundreds of feet to the cave floor, and most disturbing of all was when the passageway led up into a horribly vast cavern that had to be too big to fit inside Rainmoor mountain.
Jinx hung back, not willing to walk into the open and stand on the floor of the unforgivably huge place. He saw small specks moving about, high in the air, and wondered if they were bats or dragons.
“Come on, old boy, it’s quite safe. This is a Nexus, don’t you know.”
“What’s a Nexus?”
“It’s a sort of place where you can get from anywhere to anywhere else.”
“Oh.” said Jinx. “It’s a Gate, to another plane?” He hesitantly, wonderingly walked on, to stand on the rock floor in the open and gaze in helpless bafflement at the ceiling, seemingly miles away.
“Oh, no. It’s all in Rainmoor, don’t you know.”
“Jinx didn’t know… Does this look bigger than it is? This cave wouldn’t fit into the mountain.”
“Dear me! I hardly know where to begin. Certainly it wouldn’t fit into the mountain, and even if it did, however would we fit the others?”
“Others?” asked Jinx, with a sinking feeling: he feared Lord Peter was talking gibberish, but was more afraid he’d understood the man all too well.
“Oh, yes, thousands of others just like it. Mind you, we don’t really need them, they just came with the place. ‘Thousands’ only counts the ones we’ve been to, of course: logically, there must be millions of Nexuses this large or larger. A lot of young mages go looking for the Grand Nexus, a Nexus thousands of times larger than this one. I must admit I find the idea terribly exciting…”
Jinx was speechless.
“Rainmoor isn’t a mountain, you see: Rainmoor is a plane. An infinite plane, of solid rock, just filled with these caves and tunnels and Nexuses and things. It’s a very strange place in some ways, you know. The walls of these caves contain countless smaller caves, and the walls of those contain even smaller caves, and so on. One of our best mages proved that Rainmoor consists entirely of air for that reason, because all the walls are really only smaller caves, getting smaller and smaller. Logically, there’s no rock in Rainmoor, just the structure. Going in the other direction, we have the Nexuses. This is one of the medium ones, some of them are much larger. They tend to be about this size, but there is the possibility of the Grand Nexus to think about, perhaps one in which these Nexuses are part of the structure of its walls. Nobody has ever proved the Grand Nexus exists, or that it doesn’t exist, although it is generally accepted that if there is one Grand Nexus then there are infinitely many of them. The same goes for ones in which Grand Nexuses are part of the structure of their walls, and so on. It’s even speculated that there might be Nexuses of infinite size, in which case Rainmoor would be another sort of infinity that happens to be bigger. Sometimes I’d like to just forget all that beastly Court business and just go and explore! One could go on forever, and never reach the end…”
Jinx turned and strode back the way he came.
“Oh, Jinx,” cried Lord Peter, rushing after him, “do come back! We won’t explore today, I promise! We’ll just go and visit Robert, or perhaps swing by Gerald’s Court…”
“Jinx is going home!”
“Oh, please, Jinx!”
“Jinx is not about to fly through the air and go through a hole in the ceiling! Jinx is going to go home and pretend he’s in some place that makes sense!”
“Oh, but you needn’t fly through the air, Jinx!” pleaded Lord Peter earnestly. “There aren’t that many of us, and we’re all settled in the same spot, anyhow. I never meant you should use the Nexus, I was just showing it to you. What you need to do is walk up into the Nexus and then right down the next tunnel. This passageway sort of swoops up into the Nexus and back down again. If it helps any, you’ll still be within a few hundred yards of your home, in case you thought you were being asked to teleport miles away…”
Jinx had stopped, as his friend seemed terribly unhappy about going straight home again. He stared huntedly back up the tunnel, as if the sheer size of the place was going to snatch him and gobble him up.
“I don’t have to go anywhere far away?”
“Indeed you don’t! Why, Jinx, if you really must give up on my little tour, I wouldn’t dream of stopping you. Or would that be ‘starting you’? Anyhow, you are quite free to do as you wish. I do hope you will let me show you around, though! I was quite looking forward to it.”
“…okay…” said Jinx grudgingly. “As long as we go straight through the damn place.”
As they emerged again onto the floor of the Nexus, Jinx exerted all his willpower to keep from turning and going back again. The other part of the tunnel was hundreds of feet away, and as Jinx set out across this short but alarming distance, his mind was numbed by the sheer scale of the place.
It left him feeling so unreal that he didn’t even jump when, a few hundred yards away, a long chain of gigantic white cubes burst from one of the holes in the floor and roared toward the ceiling, shaking the ground under Jinx’s feet. Each cube was easily the size of the Roc Jinx had seen, and there seemed to be endless numbers of the things. Although the wind from the thing’s passage whipped at his fur, Jinx stood and watched it dazedly as it thundered out of the hole and dwindled in the distance. It went into another hole, so distant that Jinx could hardly see it, and he stared blankly after it, his mind simply refusing to accept that the ceiling could be that far away. He turned to Lord Peter questioningly.
“Don’t ask me what that was.” said Lord Peter. “It certainly wasn’t anything of ours.”
A faint, eerie rumble came down from the ceiling, the sound of the thing’s passage bouncing off the distant ceiling and finally making its way back to them, echoed and distorted out of all recognition. Jinx shivered, suddenly feeling the reality of the place again, and the terrifying strangeness of it. They continued on, but Jinx didn’t relax until they’d entered the tunnels again.
“Come to think of it,” said Lord Peter, “we should be able to avoid the Nexus from here on out. I’m fairly sure that we can stick to the caves and still get wherever we want to go, it’ll just take longer.”
“Good. Where are we going, anyway?”
“Well, how about Gerald’s Court? That would be the ideal antidote for what we just ended up seeing. He might even have his minions serve us tea, if we’re polite to him. Possibly not, I tend not to be polite to him. Still, it would be soothing in a boring way: a real fireplace, cubical rooms, square people talking boring politics… I’m game if you are.”
“How far is it?”
“Not terribly far…” said Lord Peter, and they walked through the strings of little caves, following this branch or that, taking stairs up and down to other strings of caves, until they stood before a incongruously rectangular wooden door of nice oak paneling. Lord Peter knocked.
“Hello?” came a voice from behind the door. “Who’s there?”
“The nameless pretender, my love! I’ve come to kill you all, do let me in, please!”
The door opened, and a man looked out and said “Oh, Lord Peter! Might have known it was you! Lord Gerald is sleeping, but do come in anyhow.”
“Charles! You’re not Gerald, how splendid for you! How grateful we are for your hospitality!”
“We?” said Charles. “Oh!”
“Allow me to introduce Sir Jinx, and I do hope you’ll be good enough to call him ‘Jinx’ and me ‘Peter’, Charles. And have you any objection to Jinx’s calling you ‘Charles’?”
“Oh, no, no, of course not.” said Charles, looking at Jinx with great interest. “Do come in and sit down. I’m honored to meet our newest Knight, and you needn’t use my title if you don’t wish to. Tea?”
“Charles!” exclaimed Lord Peter. “You paragon of miraculous perceptiveness! We would love some tea, dear fellow. We’ve just seen the most astonishing Nexus manifestation to date, and need to be restored with tea and soothing company…”
“What’s all this racket?” came a grumpy voice from the other room. The door opened to reveal a squinting, sleepy man in pajamas. “Peter. It would be Peter. Go away, won’t you?”
“Why, Gerald! And here I thought you were sleeping the sleep of the not-sufficiently-wicked and couldn’t possibly be roused! Allow me to introduce Sir Jinx, the newest Knight!”
Lord Gerald rubbed his eyes, looked at Jinx in disbelief, rubbed his eyes again, and scowled.
“Peter…” he said in a tone of obvious disgust.
“Lord Peter.” prompted Lord Peter, warningly.
“Lord Peter, this is an outrage! I have had enough of your foolish tricks, sir! Kindly leave, and take your trained animal with you!”
“Oh, I say, Lord Gerald…” said Charles, shooting a nervous glance at Jinx, who, shocked by the insult, had reached instinctively for his sword…
“Steady, Sir Jinx.” said Lord Peter, who had dropped his playful manner entirely. “Gerald, it is your behavior which is outrageous. You may outrank Sir Jinx, but you do not outrank me, and I insist you apologize to him at once. I will not tolerate such rudeness to a knight of Rainmoor, sir!”
“By God,” said Gerald, searching Lord Peter’s eyes. “You’re serious.”
“You force me to be serious, Gerald. Apologize. Now!”
Lord Gerald stammered, and finally managed to say “Ah, Jinx…”
“Sir Jinx.” prompted Lord Peter, menacingly.
“Sir Jinx… I apologize.”
“Does that satisfy you, Sir Jinx?” asked Lord Peter, turning to face Jinx, who was mystified and rather amazed at this little drama on his behalf.
“Jinx accepts his apology, if that’s what you mean. Did you have to do that?”
“Sir Jinx, I will not tolerate the ridicule of a knight of Rainmoor. Certainly I had to. No other way to get it through Gerald’s head.” Lord Peter had relaxed considerably when Jinx accepted the apology.
Lord Gerald glowered at him. “I’m going back to bed. Unless you want to make me jump through more hoops for this new knight? And, sir, I shall complain to King Thomas tomorrow.”
“Who,” added Lord Peter sweetly, “knighted him in the first place. I wish you the best of luck.”
“Not about him, idiot. About you.”
“By all means. I’d complain about you, but he already knows you’re a pompous ass. Sweet dreams, and may flocks of harpies sing you to their nest.”
Gerald turned on his heel and departed. He seemed about to slam the door after him, but managed to control himself enough to simply shut it, very firmly.
“Peter… May I still call you ‘Peter’?” asked Charles.
“Certainly, if Jinx can still call you ‘Charles’ instead of ‘Lord Charles’. I think we’ve all had quite enough ghastly courtliness for the next few years.”
“Peter, why do you hate Lord Gerald so?” asked Charles. “Is it that you think he is the Nameless One?”
“Good lord, no! It’s more likely to be you, or Jinx, or that chair there than Gerald! Him, the Nameless Pretender? Unthinkable!”
“But why do you hate him so?”
“I don’t, Charles. Gerald is truly gifted at being obnoxious, and as he’s not subtle one has to step on him quite hard to make him behave. King Thomas won’t do it, because King Thomas is too polite. Robert won’t do it unless Gerald offends him personally. That leaves me, and I dislike intensely the way Gerald treats his underlings. I’d much rather Gerald treated people with at least a pretense of respect and didn’t constantly force me to step on him, but as long as he treats people I like with contempt I shall stomp away with gusto. I know it doesn’t change him, so I just do it to relieve my annoyance. I just stomped on him ruthlessly, in the presence of you and Jinx, because I’ve quickly developed a liking for Jinx and Gerald insulted him appallingly. It’s a damned good thing he isn’t the Nameless One, because even so he’s going to be howling for my blood…”
“Can you be sure he isn’t the Nameless One?”
“Charles, I’m surprised at you.” said Lord Peter. “If you’re so concerned, why don’t you stop dancing attendance on the man and go your own way? Or dance attendance on us for a while: we still haven’t had our tea.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! It slipped my mind.” said Charles, and began making tea. “As far as my ‘dancing attendance’ goes, these days Lord Gerald hasn’t got the loyalty he used to get, you know. Lord Hugo refuses to speak to him now, after an argument they had, and Lord James doesn’t come around very often, so it’s just me now…”
“Charles, the man is quite capable of making his own tea. You’re a Lord of the Second Rank: there’s no reason you should act as his servant.”
“But, Lord Peter, if he does turn out to be the Nameless One, perhaps he’ll make me First Rank when he becomes King!”
“When he what?” sputtered Lord Peter. “Charles, your first loyalty is to King Thomas, not Gerald, even… no, especially if he is the Nameless Pretender! Good lord, man, you’ve been driven mad by housework and tea-making! I realize Gerald is a tyrant, but he doesn’t own you! Whatever are you thinking?”
“I’m sorry, Lord Peter…”
“Peter! Don’t call me Lord Peter, Charles, I refuse to allow a perfectly decent though rather dull man to bow and scrape to me! Jinx, what do you make of all this? Let’s have your opinion.”
“I think Lord-Gerald’s a jerk, and Charles isn’t very brave.”
“What do you think of that, Charles? Tell me the one thing wrong with Sir Jinx’s statement.”
“No, no, I fear he’s right. I’m not very brave, Peter.” said Charles, as he poured tea for them.
“No, Lord Charles.” said Lord Peter, gently. “He got your name wrong, and you thought nothing of it. You have a title, sir, even if you don’t ask your friends to use it. You needn’t punish Sir Jinx for omitting it, but it’s sad that you don’t even notice the omission. Gerald’s trained you well.”
They sat in silence for a while, drinking their tea. Finally Charles spoke.
“Peter, all I’ve ever wanted was to be a Lord of the First Rank. That’s why being Second Rank is nothing to me. I’ve studied until my eyes were sore, everything I’d need to know: the magic, the court manners, how to address people… It’s been my life work.”
He spoke steadily, but his eyes were moist. “Now look at what I am. I thought Lord Gerald was the model of a ideal First Lord, and I undertook to serve him, thinking that King Thomas would promote somebody who was like him in every way. All that happened was, I became, every day, more willing to grovel before Lord Gerald, not even understanding what was happening to me until this very night. Finally I understand what I have become. I am a servant, Lord Peter.”
“Oh, I say, Charles!”
“See? See? ‘Charles’, you say. You, yourself, reminded me I had a title, yet how easily you forget! And for that, Lord Peter, I have no-one to blame but myself…”
“My dear boy! I beg of you, don’t talk like this! It’s most distressing!”
“What’s wrong with being called ‘Charles’?” asked Jinx, puzzled.
“Ah, my knightly friend! Be grateful you don’t understand, sir. You have self-respect, it’s clear, and so it truly doesn’t matter to you. I was a Lord of the Second Rank, once, and I have proved how meaningless that is by showing the world what a Lord of the Second Rank is, a servant.”
“Charles, stop it!” said Lord Peter, put out. “There is nothing shameful about being Second Rank, sir!”
“No, of course not. I’m wrong, as usual. It is I who am the servant. That I should come to this! I yet remember battling for the glory of the King, as a knight, for, Sir Jinx, once I was a knight myself.”
“You’ve got to get a grip, Charles… Lord Charles. This will not do. Why, you’ve been one of the most faithful Second Lords, man, for years! Except for this strange entanglement with Gerald…”
“Have I, Lord Peter? Have I? Do you truly mean that?”
“Oh, quite, no question! Boring but faithful. We’ve got to get you out of Gerald’s clutches. I knew all along that he shockingly abused his rank, but it hadn’t occurred to me how serious it had gotten. You must stop running about, making tea for Gerald and washing his socks…”
“Lord Peter, has not the King suffered the loss of one of the First Lords?”
Lord Peter stopped, startled. He stared at Lord Charles in momentary confusion.
“What? Ah! Charles, you conniving little Second Lord, now I see what you’re driving at! What a politician you are! Lord Nicholas was killed by the Nameless Pretender, so you feel you should be promoted! Huh! At least your lordly ego hasn’t been completely crushed by Gerald. I might have known all that maudlin rubbish was a front. Huh!”
“Lord Peter, I am saddened at your tone. Shall I give up my dream of being a First Lord, and resign myself to being Lord Gerald’s servant?”
“Charles, I wish you’d try to be sensible. There’s no vacancy for being a First Lord since Nicholas was killed, as you know quite well, because there’s no quota. And there’s no reason you have to be Gerald’s servant. Certainly King Thomas is going to promote somebody to First Lord eventually, perhaps soon. I would even say that, with your record of faithful service to the King, you’d be as good as anyone for First Lord. But what do you want from me? Tell me, straight out, and if you start weeping about feeling like a servant I shall know you’re not fit to be a Lord of the First Rank. Sir! What are you asking?”
Lord Charles paused, collecting his scattered thoughts.
“I beg of you, Lord Peter, to suggest me to the King as an appropriate Lord of the First Rank. I shall show respect for all, including those of lesser rank, for I know all too well what it is like to be scorned. And, I shall pledge my life to the preservation of the true King.”
Lord Peter pondered this for a few seconds, and spoke.
“Very close. I’ll do it on one condition. There’s one word in there that is wrong. Change that one word, and I’ll believe you. I’m only giving you one chance at it. Tell me what the word should become.”
Lord Charles thought for a moment. Then he had it.
“I ask that you do this for me, sir. I do not beg.”
“And don’t you forget it!” said Lord Peter. “Very well, I’ll suggest you. You understand that I don’t have the power to do more than that?”
“Of course.” said Lord Charles. “Still, who else would King Thomas be listening to?”
“True. Shameless flattery, but true. It’s nice you’re so good at shameless flattery, but don’t get carried away with it. Now, Jinx and I have an appointment elsewhere, so…”
“We do?” asked Jinx.
“Unless you’d like to stay and talk politics some more.”
“I’d rather talk about something I understand.”
“Well,” said Lord Charles, “we’ve also been talking about courage, and power. I’m certain you understand those things perfectly.”
“I don’t think those are things to talk about. You either have them or not, so why bother?”
“Come on, Jinx,” said Lord Peter. “We must be going.”
They left, and as soon as the door shut behind them Lord Peter said “I’m so damn tired of bloody politics.”
“If you wanted to leave, why didn’t you just say so?”
“It would have been rude. Anyway, I left as soon as I could, Jinx. Was it too terribly boring?”
Jinx thought for a moment. “Yes.”
“I agree completely. The only interest in it, for me, was seeing how a real politician’s mind works.”
“What’s a politician? I’ve heard the word before, but nobody’s ever been able to explain it so it makes sense.”
“Hmmm… A politician is somebody who will pretend anything to get a higher rank. A politician will talk for hours and never say anything totally honest. A politician isn’t good for anything but talking to other politicians. Fortunately, being a First Lord calls for all these sterling qualities and very little else.”
“Are you a politician, Peter?”
Peter laughed, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “I’m going to suggest to King Thomas that Charles be made a Lord of the First Rank, although I think he’s rather a pathetic toady. I’m doing it not so much because I think he’ll be a good First Lord, but to annoy Gerald. What do you think I am?”
“Would it be bad to make him a First-Lord?”
“Oh, no. There are some Second Lords who are far better people, and you’ll probably meet one of them shortly. However, I don’t think any of them are willing to be a First Lord. Part of it is that the First Lords have to deal with ten times the politics and only get the privilege of being allowed to put people to death and order them about. But the main thing is that it’s open season on First Lords these days. So why not toss up another target? Maybe it’ll confuse Nameless. My own opinion is that Nameless is some title-less wizard who thinks he can force the magic of Rainmoor to accept him: when wizards get into politics, they quickly become all talk and no action. One thing about Nameless is that he’s good with action…”
“Where are we going, Peter? I don’t have any appointment.”
“It was just an excuse, Jinx, more bloody politics. We’re going to visit Robert. With luck, Sean will be there as well. I could use their company, because every time I touch politics I sink lower and lower while trying to get out. Robert and Sean laugh at politics, and I need that, right now. Besides, I like to spend time with Robert, as he hasn’t much time left for this world. Oh, Jinx: when we’re with Robert don’t ever mention Nameless.”
The path that they’d taken was leading up as it twisted about: Jinx wondered why none of the tunnels in Rainmoor were laid out in a perfectly straight line. It was impossible to see more than a few caves ahead, so you couldn’t see where you were going until you were almost there. Jinx tried to imagine what Rainmoor would be like if its tunnels and caves were in straight lines, then hastily stopped. The last thing he wanted to imagine was being in a network of tunnels that extended infinitely in every direction, never coming to an end, particularly since that was precisely where he was.
They arrived at a place where the small caves of the tunnel opened out into a larger cave. There was a sort of archway, and Peter marched straight through it, calling out “Robert? Sean? Are you there?”
Jinx was surprised to notice that they’d walked straight into Robert’s living room. Why wasn’t there a door? He didn’t have time to reflect on this, for a large, burly man had come through another archway, exclaiming, “Peter, old boy! How nice to see you, always welcome here.” He reeked of the drink Jinx had gotten rid of, and staggered cheerfully up to Peter, embracing him.
“Robert, I’d like you to meet Jinx. He’s the new knight, you know.”
“New knight?” said Robert, rather dazedly. “Oh, yes, silly of me, that new knight.”
He looked at Jinx, blinked, and looked again, swaying slightly. “I say, Peter, does he really look like that, or am I imagining it? Sort of a big cat with stripes, you know.”
“Why, Robert! Perhaps you’d better get some sleep.” said Peter, winking at Jinx.
“Nonsense,” replied Robert stubbornly, “rubbish. Who cares what he looks like, any friend of Peter’s is a friend of mine also. Sir Jinx!”
He shook Jinx’s hand with great decision, saying “Sir Jinx, I am honored to have you come here to be in my house, Sir Jinx. Don’t mind me, my eyes play tricks on me sometimes. I say, Peter, why is he wearing furry gloves? Is he cold?”
Peter burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, Robert, I couldn’t resist! You’re not seeing things. Sir Jinx does actually look like a tiger. He’s also quite a decent chap, and you should get on marvelously. Particularly since Gerald managed to utterly surpass and exceed his already impressive capacity for ghastly rudeness at Jinx’s expense, considering your dislike for Gerald and your tendency to act as his polar opposite at every possible opportunity.”
“Sir Jinx, do you have any of an idea of what he’s talking about? Peter’s always going on like that…”
“I’m not sure, Robert, but it’s probably about Lord-Gerald and how obnoxious he was.”
“Ah yes. Gerald. Obnoxious. Yes. Why, doesn’t he like stripes? Did you clash with his tapesr, tapsistr.. those ugly pictures he hangs on his walls?”
“He called Jinx a trained animal.”
“My God! Bad Gerald! He can’t go about calling Knights names like that. We must complain to the King, Sir Jinx!”
“I thought you were the King, Robert.” commented Peter, amused.
“No, Sean’s King right now. I’m the really King, but I’m not well, so Sean’s being King until I feel better. You know, Peter, I feel bad about making Sean King, even for a little while…”
“Oh? Why is that, Robert?”
“Don’t tell anybody, but… I think somebody’s trying to kill the King.”
Peter’s eyes were sad. “Don’t worry about it, Robert.”
“But, Peter, I don’t want anybody to kill Sean. I’m sorry I made him King, it’s not fair. I should go in there right now and be King again, right now. How can I be a good King if I make somebody else get killed in my place?”
“Don’t worry about it, Robert.”
“Really, Peter, is that fair?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, all right. Anyway, we have to complain to the King now, and I don’t know how to do that if the King is me. Follow me!”
He staggered into the other room, not noticing that Jinx was hanging back to talk to Lord Peter.
“Isn’t Nameless-King also trying to kill Robert?”
“Don’t tell him that, please, Jinx. The poor man’s doomed anyhow, whether he knows it or not, and he’s just reminded me what a decent fellow he is, beneath all the drink. Damn Nameless, anyhow! Couldn’t he just skip Robert?”
“But if he skipped Robert, he’d be trying to kill you!”
“He probably is, Jinx. The difference is, I can defend myself, I hope.”
As they entered the other room, Robert was kneeling before a man sitting on an improvised throne, who wore an outlandish crown big and garish enough to shame an Emperor.
“You must see, my liege, King, sir, about how bad Gerald is. Here’s a perfectly good knight, who just happens to be sort of furry and stripy, and Gerald calls him names. I think Gerald shouldn’t even be a lord if he can’t be polite to knights, even if they are sort of unorthod… unothrd… weird.”
The man on the throne noticed Jinx, and sat up, curious.
“Sean!” exclaimed Lord Peter. “How nice to see you. Allow me to introduce Sir Jinx.”
Sean came down from the ‘throne’, setting aside his preposterous ‘crown’, and shook Jinx’s hand unhesitatingly. “Robert was telling me about you, Jinx, but I thought he was delirious. Have a drink?”
“Jinx would rather not, unless you have something to drink that won’t make him sick in the head.”
“Suit yourself. How about you, Peter?”
Lord Peter glanced at Robert, who’d managed to get to his feet when Sean stood up, but had promptly passed out from the sudden change in altitude.
“Perhaps not today, Sean. But do allow us to stay for a while, we’ve just had an encounter with Gerald and Charles.”
“Oh, sure. Gerald and Charles, eh? Both at once, or one at a time?”
“Well,” said Lord Peter, “first Gerald insulted Jinx, and left in pajamas and a huff, and then Charles trapped us with a woeful story of how terrible it was to be Second Rank.”
“No, honestly? The preposterous little rat! Him and Gerald deserve each other. Maybe Nameless will wipe him out as well, just on general principles.”
“Oh, Sean, I hope you’re not the one who’s been telling Robert about Nameless!”
“No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I think it was James, actually. Hugo and James came over here one night, absolutely furious. They said they weren’t ever going to serve Gerald again, so to reward the first sensible thinking either of them’s ever done I got them hammered. Then they started going on about Nameless. Hugo thinks Gerald is Nameless, James thinks Charles is Nameless, and Charles presumably thinks Hugo is Nameless. Needless to say, I think they’re all idiots. Unfortunately, I left them alone with Robert for a minute and when I came back poor Robert was horribly upset and I threw them out. Robert wouldn’t calm down until I offered to be King for him, and then he gave me his crown and was much happier. I think the poor fellow feels guilty about that, but I’m not going to tell him that he’s still in danger. I’m just practicing every defense I’ve got, since Robert can’t even light a candle at this point.”
“Is there any way I can help?” asked Lord Peter. “By the way, Charles thinks Gerald is Nameless, not Hugo.”
“That figures. He thinks Gerald’s Nameless, so he keeps serving him anyway. What a cretin.”
“I know, Sean, I know. You must admit he’s a consummate politician, though: you should have seen him over at Gerald’s, it was magnificent. What an act! He quite took me in, I really believed his rubbish about how he felt like a servant…”
“He bloody well should. That’s all he’ll ever be.” remarked Sean.
“And needs to be First Rank in order to feel good about himself, and needs me to suggest him to King Thomas now that Nicholas is dead.”
“You’re not serious!”
“Oh, he wasn’t as barefaced as all that about it.”
“You’re not going to do it, are you? Peter, that’s disgusting!”
“Sean, name one other Second Rank Lord willing to become First Rank at this point. Or is this your way of volunteering? You know I’d much rather suggest you.”
“Certainly not. I’ve got better sense than that. But do you really have to suggest that wretched toady? Honestly, Peter, there must be somebody else.”
“That there is not, Sean. The general opinion seems to be that no First Rank Lord is safe. The only people willing to be First Rank now are people like Hugo and Charles and Victor. You know the type.”
“Power-mad toadies without any sense.”
“Quite. You must admit that Charles doesn’t look so bad by comparison with the others.”
“But do you have to suggest him, Peter? King Thomas doesn’t actually have to fill the slot Nicholas left. Doesn’t it make you feel rather unclean?”
“Thank you, so much, Sean! I was wondering for simply hours how I felt about it, and now I know: unclean. Sean, I told Charles that King Thomas didn’t have to fill the slot, and it was a half-truth. It just so happens that some of Rainmoor’s magic works better if there are five First Lords, don’t ask me why. For that reason, there have usually been five First Lords at any given time, and it’s no good telling people to stop speculating who the new First Lord is going to be.”
“You don’t say! Bits of the magic work better, eh?”
“The aspects might interest you, Sean. With only four First Lords, the magic is not as powerful as it might be with regard to protecting and defending, particularly in regard to nobility like King Thomas and Lord Robert who’re high in rank. It’s something to do with the Five being a good arrangement for the magic’s stability: King Thomas explained it to me, but he lost me about half-way through.”
“You’re saying that my protections aren’t working as well as they might?”
“Until there’s a fifth First Lord. It looks like Charles is our best bet.”
“Bloody! All right, go and suggest him. I’m not about to volunteer for it, but I suppose somebody must, and it may as well be Charles. Better him than Victor, anyway.”
“Who’s Victor?” asked Jinx.
Sean replied, “Lucky you, not to know him! Lord Victor has to be the most grasping, power-mad noble in the Second Rank. He’s a rotten little sneak, and he’s not welcome here, and if you’ve any sense, you’ll do as Robert and I do and throw rocks at him if he comes anywhere near you. He tried to serve Robert once and edge me out, but old Robert saw through him right away and tossed him out on his ear.”
“No, honestly, Sean?” said Lord Peter. “I’d always thought it was you that tossed him out. It was Robert? Good for Robert!”
“Oh aye. Robert’s grand, the tops. I can’t tell you how ghastly it is to see him slipping away like this, and all because of that bastard James telling him somebody’s trying to kill the King…”
“Jinx thinks it’s probably because he keeps drinking things that make him sick in the head.”
Sean glared at Jinx: he’d been steadily drinking the entire time they’d been talking, and he suddenly turned pugnacious. “Aren’t we grand! Jinx, you’ve no business telling him what to drink. He’s got a perfect right to drink whatever he likes, and he’s under a lot of strain. You try fearing for your life sometime, and see how that makes you feel!”
“Easy, Sean.” said Peter. “This is a friend of mine, you know. I admit he can be fearfully blunt at times, but surely that’s better than being a toady?”
“I suppose. Sorry, Jinx, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. But don’t knock the Hammer, mate, it’s about all we’ve got left at this point. Ever since Robert decided he was the King, all the bloody toadies laugh at us, and King Thomas won’t come visit anymore. Ah, Peter, you’re the only one left who gives a damn about us. All the rest are just bleeding vultures waiting for Robert to die! It’s too bloody horrible…”
Sean began to weep, yet still he faced them proudly.
“Jinx, I’m sorry for snapping at you, really. I’d hate myself if I thought I’d cost Robert even one person’s honest loyalty, and you’re a brave lad. Tell me you’ll be on our side, Jinx, even if I was a stupid wretch and got offended at your honest opinion! Please, Jinx, not for me, for Robert. He’s really a grand chap, and we’ve so few friends left us these days…”
“Sean, you’ve got me.” said Lord Peter. “I haven’t dropped you, have I?”
“Oh aye. I’m asking Jinx, not you. He’s a better man than any of those bloody toadies.”
Jinx was touched by Sean’s earnestness. “I will be your friend. I think you’re a decent person, even if you are drunk, and I thought Robert was very nice when he was awake. Also, you don’t talk gibberish, and I like that.”
Sean blinked, and Lord Peter commented, “There you are, Sean. You said yourself he was honest.”
“Oh, hell, Peter,” said Sean, “he’s right. I am drunk, absolutely pissed. I shouldn’t be sitting here bothering you lot, I should just go to bed…”
“Jinx isn’t bothered. Jinx is just glad he won’t have your head tomorrow morning.” said Jinx.
“Fair enough.” said Sean. “Could Jinx give me a hand getting Robert into bed? I can’t just leave him lying there.”
Jinx did so, thinking that if it was up to him, he would leave Robert lying there and maybe it would teach him not to drink things that made him faint when he stood up too suddenly. However, Jinx kept these thoughts to himself.
When they’d gotten Robert to bed, Sean bid Jinx and Peter goodnight and headed for his own bedroom, walking cautiously so he wouldn’t have to put out a hand and steady himself.
“Shall we call it a night, Jinx?”
“Yes. Or is there somebody else to visit?”
“No, not really. Ivan may be up but I’m not sure I’d want to know what he does while decent people are asleep. Let’s head home. I’ll show you to your door, and then I’m going home myself.”
“Is Ivan the Nameless-King?”
“I rather doubt it, Jinx. Ivan’s too obvious. He’s always scheming away to get what he wants, but he’s terribly obvious about it. I suppose it’s possible: anything is possible, that’s the hell of it. We really haven’t got a clue. I dare say we can rule Nicholas out, as he’s dead. Short of that, we’ve nothing to go on.”
“Are you the Nameless-King, Peter?”
Lord Peter chuckled. “If I said I wasn’t, could you believe me? That’s the real hell of it, Jinx. What could I possibly do to prove I’m not? I’m in the line of succession myself, and everybody knows it. I could say that I love King Thomas dearly, for I do. I could say that I’d have to bump off Robert as well when I’m one of his few remaining friends, which is also true. I could state quite bluntly that I’m not the Nameless One, which I’m not. I can say any of these things, but it’s words, all words, and any man can lie whenever he pleases…”
“You’re not the Nameless-King, then?”
“Jinx, Jinx! No. I’m not. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.”
Lord Peter sighed.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Jinx, I’m touched by your faith in words. I do hope it doesn’t cost King Thomas his life…”
When they got to Jinx’s place, Peter excused himself politely and left in great haste, as if he felt he was unwelcome. This puzzled Jinx, until he remembered what Peter’d said about him and Elanor being ‘amorously entwined’: the man surely wanted to let him be alone with Elanor. Actually, that seemed like a good idea to Jinx. All the humans and their gibberish had exhausted him. If being human meant having to deal with all that, Jinx wasn’t so sure he wanted any of it. Perhaps it was just being a ‘politician’ that was so exhausting.
Elanor was sleeping. She stirred as he touched her flank, and looked at him.
“There you are. I got bored waiting for you, so I went to sleep.”
“No problem.” said Jinx. “Since you’re awake now, do you want to…” and then it struck him.
“You spoke, Elanor!”
“Vernon taught me how to. He also taught me how to walk on two legs. I don’t intend to, but in case you ever beg me to again I want to be able to do it without looking awkward. It looks silly enough without the falling over. But I learned to talk just for you. Do you like it?”
“Of course, Elanor! Now everybody will think you’re a person!”
“Oh, Jinx, honestly! Why are you always worrying about what everybody thinks?”
“Elanor, I just want them to not treat you like an animal. When they do, it reflects badly on me, and I can’t have that.”
“Jinx, when will you learn that I don’t care about that? I don’t care. I don’t understand why you do. All that matters to me is what you think. I just want you to like me.”
“Are you going to try not to be like an animal?”
“Well, some parts of being an animal I like very much…” purred Elanor suggestively.
